uh boy... a wave of depression hit me today. I should have been ready, my mind and body too often react this wave after the build-up of a big exam. But I never am ready, it always seems to sideswipe me. I have been a raging bitch this entire last week, yelling and crying and scaring, trying desperately to hold it all together to try and study, using that as some big excuse, the reason I can't be who I want to be, the reason I look so unfamiliar in the glass of a mirror...
The test is over, with a worse one on the way, and I can't even catch my breath long enough to mutter an apology, let alone muster a change. Evan was gone all night, I barely saw him today... I locked the dogs up, and sat by myself for hours... I know it wasn't the best choice, I know I should have done differently - I know it by how I feel, by what I have to show for myself - filth and guilt and loneliness.
I don't really want to be in this place right now, there is a lot I want to change, there is a lot I want to be. I don't know who I am right now, and I certainly don't like her very much, whoever she is. I don't feel as afraid as I am prone, but I feel like I have lost some sense of self monitoring - control over anything. I am at the mercy of whatever is leftover at the end of the day or week. I can't even make a dentist appointment or pick up a prescription, let alone pass my classes or walk my dogs. I haven't cooked dinner, or done laundry, all of my laughter seems so temporary and false, no matter how much I try to ensure its integrity... Alone and sad, but still expected, required, to be everything,always... At great cost... Such a cost

A new place to rest my tired bum and a hanging t.v.! Not a bad change as far as I am concerned! Evan was in charge of the before pictures, and as one astute reader noticed, they were actually more of "in-the-middle" pictures, as the old junky furniture had already made a swift exit and the boob tube had already found its new home on the mantle... sigh...
The beautiful thing about leather - dog hair doesn't seem to care for it much, which in my household, is a relationship we will take and run with!!! Also it looks kind of grown-up and fancy, like I actually have style, time, and money! I won't tell you which of those three, if any, I actually possess... I will say though that we got a run-away-before-they-change-their-minds kind of deal on these pieces... (I had to say that you know, I am my mother' daughter, and I am just way too proud of the price tag!) You may also notice the matching dog beds. Evan is on a training mission to teach Belle that her fancy-pancy bed has a magic energy field that keeps her from going anywhere or to anyone, unless we release the before mentioned magic field! She isn't yet convinced, but Evan is doing an excellent job of
brain-washing, it won't be long before she completely submits to our power! On a side note, the big girls would rather share a bed then enjoy their own - go figure - they appreciate a good cuddle, while Marcie, on the other hand, steals the empty bed, and lounges like Cleopatra herself - quite a sight!
In other news, Belle passed her test with flying colors! She was actually one of two in our entire class that didn't totally stress and freak and fail miserably! What a girl! That gives us until Nov. 5th to practice and solidify her training for the final exam!
Another FYI, our mollie pair have gotten down and dirty and we now have over forty little mollies thriving beautifully in our all-of-a-sudden too small tank! Yikes! Why do I feel guilty at the thought of thinning them out... maybe it's the looming picture of a flushing toilet bowl that makes my stomach flip a little... I don't think I will have much luck giving them away, as they are a mixed breed mollie, and generally speaking they are a dime a dozen around these parts. So the drama remains... I will probably put off my decision until they have all tripled in size and are cannibalizing each other due to lack of space, a perfectly stupid response I know, but one I have spent my life perfecting...
Oh, I have so many posts floating around my head, but sadly antimicrobials are stealing my time! After that its internal medicine - maybe I will get some small breaks, I hope so!
Until then I will leave you with my new best friend! I will link it when I have more time! Pandora.com

Don't hold your breath waiting, my brain is a little scattered as of late with pharm and cardio... at the same freaking time! But, I will promise, the 'after' - it's good! As in dead cow stretched over squishy padding kind of good. See, your interest is piqued! Your hooked... You are going to keep coming back in a state of rapt suspense... I promise to deliver, just not sure when...
And on a side note, wish Bella good luck and send her thoughts of calm submission for tomorrow - she takes the first of two tests to become a licensed therapy dog.
Yeah Bella!

1)Scabies, malassezia dermatitis, and flea allergy dermatitis. "Intense" is classified by the type of itching that if you were to throw a tennis ball, the dog would stop to scratch on the way to retrieve it, and at least twice on the way back with the ball ;)
2)Technically both can infect humans, but the answer I was fishing for was sarcoptes, as it is the only one that reliably causes lesions in owners of infected pets. (and supposedly M.D.'s do not know how to appropriately treat said condition, but that is another story entirely, and probably faulty info at best!) (shout out to all my M.D. readers!)
3)Dust mites it is, pesky buggers! Do you know the average mattress doubles in size over a ten year period thanks to these little guys!
4)licking - a cat can remove half its hair coat before an owner even suspects a problem - talk about a hair ball!
5)Demodicosis (demodex mites that lives in the hair follicle), dermatomycosis (better know as my friend the ringworm), and stap. intermedius infections
6)Boxers (Miss Penny - make sure to keep those lips clean and dry!)
7)True, it lives peacefully with the rest of the normal flora, quietly plotting its total body takeover!
8) Pseudomonas - apparently this bug is prone to developing nasty drug resistance, and there is not a large spectrum of affordable or licensed veterinary antibiotics that can get overcome this problem! (malassezia on the other hand can be cleared up rather quickly with frequent Selsen Blue shampooing, and can also be treated sytemically with ketoconazole)
9)The pruritis will subside initially, but quickly return and show no further response to the medication
10)aww, poor Jubilee... she licks and scratches, and rolls - especially come spring time. Fatty acids have shown to relieve pruritis in 75% of mildly atopic patients when supplemented once daily. Hey, it's worth a shot!

Thanks for playing along - if only my actual exam was this fun!

Pop Quiz:
1)The three dermatologic conditions known to cause INTENSE pruritis in the dog?

2)Which of the two main types of ectoparasites causing canine infection are considered zoonotic? Demodex or sarcoptes?

3)The most common allergen of an atopic dog is:
c)dust mites

4)The most common clinical manifestation of pruritis in the feline is?

5)The three most common conditions causing folliculitis in the canine?

6)Name a breed of dog prone to developing facefold/lipfold pyodermas?

7)true or false: Malassezia pachydermatis is a normal inhabitant of the dog and cat ear?

8) Classically, which condition causing otitis externa in the dog is the most difficult to clear?
a)stap. intermedius
extra credit: Why?

9)True or false: Are glucocorticoids an effective treatment option against malassezia infections?

10)Which of the following dogs in the Wengel household shows symptoms of seasonal and nonseasonal allergies?

extra credit: Would fatty acids be an appropriate treatment option for the above mentioned canine?

Ok, I don't have a lot of time to write, which is a good thing really, because it's already hard enough having to admit that my mom is so, totally, right! (haha, just kidding mom!)
Cesar Millan is well on his way to becoming a god in our house, we even have the renters hooked (see comments to the Marsical Mae post (shout out to Kim!)). And let me tell you, there is much waiting at open doors and 'shhoost's' going on around this house! Calm energy abounds!!!

Dog photo shoots are kinda hard, hence the really bad photoshop. I would really like to get the three of them together though, they are so cute as a pack!

I have a little problem... Literally. She's about 7lbs. Her name is Marcie, and she is cute as hell. She also pees on things, and craps in dark, far away corners. I have never been the type of person who tolerates such behavior from a mere animal, whom I have graciously allowed to co-mingle with me - so I have what one may call a dilemma.
Now, I am fully aware that there is a learning curve in the canine brain-bladder/poophole connections. I understand that as the intelligent and reliably reasonable mammal, I alone assume the burden of responsibility when it comes to instilling and enforcing the value of eliminating out of doors. That being said, I am coming very close to the line in the sand that separates my success from defeat. Picture Planet of the Apes, only with Yorkshire terriers and lots and lots of poop...
She loves peeing outside, and on occasion she appears to enjoy pooping out there too. But, here's the kicker - carpets are good too, so's the couch, and the wood floors, Evan's lap... you get the point. She has even taken to soiling her little soft fluffy kennel blanket and then cuddling up for a snooze. And I wondered what that interesting smell was coming from, though I must admit it is a perfect match for her ever-present halatosis aroma.
What to do, what to do...
I have tried the systematic and intelligent approach first. More kennel time, more potty breaks, more supervision, the implementation of a schedule... 3 months of this!
Yeah right. That worked like a lead balloon flies.
So, no more Mrs. Nice guy! I'm cracking down. She is banished to an itty bitty little Marcie sized kennel, no more lap of luxury for her, speaking of which, no more soft and fluffy kennel blanket either - it's cold hard plastic for this little pup. I have committed to four regular outside trips during the day, where she will have 7 minutes to do what she is going to do, and then back to her prison she goes. At night she will have one small cup of food, and then she is on Kristin-arrest, where I go, she will be - no more running off to dark corners...
Which brings up another point, when I caught either of my two big dogs in the process of peeing in my house, I raised my voice! I said no! I dragged them outside to finish the act! And it caught on, "that wasn't any fun, maybe I won't do that again!" And they didn't! But with Marcie, I raise my voice, she pees harder, I say no! - she may poop a little on top of it, and if I take her outside to finish the job, she will have finished all over me by the time we get there... She is an emotional eliminator...So I am yet undecided on how to handle those caught-in-the-act moments...
Well, there you have it, my plan! I will update you on my progress.

P.S. There is one small detail I left out, I broke down and invested in some puppy pads. The internet told me that is how you solve a yorkie's housetraining problem - lay a diaper on the floor and give up entirely on the outdoor thing. Well, I'm not giving up, but I am tired of cleaning up after her, so in this hypertraining period of which I am embarking, don't mind the dog diapers scattered around my house!

Well, Well, Well.... Look what my computer guy made for me! It is such a work in progress, this blog is... And takes so much more work then I anticipated! But it looks pretty good so far, don't you think?
I was thinking I need a clever and/or witty catch phrase to fully encapsulate my place in this world... Any suggestions... hmm... I will have to let my subconscious brain think on that one for awhile... I am off to do doctor stuff, for alas, contrary to what it might look like from across your computer screen, my soul really has been sold to the college of vet med!

My childhood was peppered with colorful, beautiful, entertaining, and thought-provoking literature and media. I can thank my parents in large part for introducing me to so many wonderful stories, and inspiring me to continue seeking out fascinating characters and plots on my own. I have made a beginning list of 'must shares' for my own future kiddos. The barest of essentials, to help build in them an education and appreciation for the great joys in life, and ultimately, to share some of the life-changing fairytales of my own childhood.
Any other suggestions? Any great books/movies from your childhood? What about music? What have I left out? What would you put on your personal list?